1. You will never get anywhere on time if an 8-year-old is involved. Forget about seeing the pre-game activities, the National Anthem, or even the first half inning.
2. In 2015, an 8-year-old living in the Seattle area is MUCH more excited about the Seahawks than the Mariners. Ruby seemed disappointed when we passed Century Link Field to get to Safeco.
3. At Joe’s Hot Dog stand for my traditional pre-game Edgar Dog, I ordered the Edgar with nothing on it. The guy at the grill says, “One naked Edgar.” My sister says, “Ooooh, naked Edgar Martinez…”
4. The Mariners were facing Chris Sale, who is one of the best pitchers in baseball. The M’s had Jesus Sucre playing catcher. Sucre came into the game with a .091 on-base percentage and had not drawn a walk all year. In the 3rd inning, Chris Sale walked Jesus Sucre. Surprisingly, he did not immediately die of embarrassment.
5. The way Felix Hernandez has been pitching lately, we may have to start calling him “The Pitcher Formerly Known as King Felix.” He hasn’t been himself since injuring his ankle on June 1st. If it turns out he’s been pitching on a bad ankle all that time, the entire Mariners’ front office should be fired, from Howard Lincoln on down. Heck, fire them anyway!
6. Eight year olds don’t understand the long, storied tradition of the scoreboard Hydro Races. When the boats came on the screen, I clearly said, “I’m yellow!” My sister followed with, “I’m green.” By default, this meant Ruby would be the red boat. But noooooooo, she has to take yellow; just stole it right out from under me. Fine. Now I’m red. Then the red boat wins and Ruby decides that she was red and yellow. I told her that would be orange. She said I could also be red and yellow, so we both win. So much shenanigans on this one.
7. What Nelson Cruz’s bat giveth, his glove taketh away. Cruz had two hits, including his 37th home run, but he’s a statue in right field and must have failed Geometry because he’s terrible with angles. When you have no range and take bad angles to the ball, you should be a DH.
8. After Felix struggled his way through six innings, the Mariners got a three-run home run from Mark Trumbo and were down 4-3 going into the 7th. Danny Farquhar pitched a scoreless inning and we still had hope. Then Fernando Rodney was brought in and all hope was lost.
9. When Rodney was brought into the game in the top of the 8th, they announced his arrival while playing the very loud in-between-innings music. I still heard the boos, though. Nice try, Mariners.
10. Fernando Rodney, Rob Rasmussen, and David Rollins combined to allow seven runs in the final two innings and the Mariners were blown out, 11-4. White Sox pitches combined to strike out 16 Mariners. The fans streamed to the exits in the later innings and Ruby said, “Mom, so many people are leaving because this game stinks!” Yep. If not for the post-game fireworks show, it would have been even worse.
11. There’s a well-known saying that goes “Dance like there’s nobody watching. Love like you’ll never get hurt. Sing like there’s nobody listening. At the Mariners game, seemingly every half inning they played music and Ruby got up to dance. She danced to the KZOK song of the night, she danced to “Louie Louie” during the 7th-inning stretch, and she danced to the songs of the summer during the fireworks show. The girl loves to dance and it doesn’t matter what the song is or where she is. More than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life, Ruby “dances like nobody’s watching.”
12. Before the game, we went up to the 300 level by elevator because, despite being in ridiculously good shape, I do not wish to use all my energy rolling up multiple levels of ramps to the third level of Safeco Field. After the game, though, rather than sit and wait for the elevator, I always go down the ramp. Going down is easy because gravity rules (thank you, Isaac Newton). Anyway, as I'm cruising down the ramp, Ruby decides to cartwheel down the ramp. I thought she would do a few and get tired of it. No. She cartwheeled 120 times down multiple ramps to the bottom level. It was crazy! By the end, she had a crowd of people behind her counting out the final set of cartwheels and cheering when she was finished. I think she did more cartwheels during that one time than I've done in my entire life.